Lisa Thorpe

The Definition of Tenderness

ten·​der·​ness | \ ˈten-dər-nəs

a : the quality of being gentle, loving or kind

b : a feeling of pain or sensitivity to touch

definition of tenderness from the Cambridge English Dictionary

Hello, my friends it is a tender time we are in. Pandemic, political uncertainty, economic insecurity… so much to worry about, so much to fret about. We are all of us, tender. Tenderness in the (b.) definition from the Cambridge English Dictionary. We are all of us feeling a sensitivity, a pain, a hurt. What I want to emphasize is the other side of the tenderness coin, I want to focus today on the (a.) definition of tenderness that brings out a quality of being gentle, loving and kind. I am struggling. I think many of us are struggling to find that kind of tenderness. But I say without reservation we must set aside the (b.) definition of tenderness and take up the (a.) definition of tenderness.

We are all of us warmed by the same sun. We all wish upon the same stars. We all stand on the same earth. Imagine as you stand, feet together, that you are a needle, a sewing needle, and through the eye of the needle is a thread of tenderness. Now pierce that needle into this pin cushion of an earth we all stand on. Press the sharp needle of self deep into the earth. Pull your golden thread of tenderness along and aim for the core, the center. When you get there, you will find your thread meets and tangles and stitches with millions upon millions of other threads. Each thread pulled through by another needle. We are all the same. Tangle your thread of tenderness with all those other threads. Let us recognize our sameness before we recognize our differentness.

This collage, from my Women of Wisdom series, is Tenderness. She cups a spiny thistle tenderly in her hands. She does not shy away from the task of nurturing this prickly presence. She knows its beauty and its value. She is not alone, the bird is watching her tenderly and recognizes her beauty and value. There is synergy and energy it the exchange of both the (a.) and (b.) definitions of tenderness.

Can we do the same? Hold both our hurt and our kindness at the same time? The masks we wear and the physical distance we must maintain add a layer of aloofness to our day. I skitter around the grocery store skirting the isles with anyone in them, stand back in the produce section to pounce on the pile of winter squash while no one else is around. We don’t see each other’s smiles; we don’t chat while waiting in line. It is a particularly estranging time. It is easier than ever to ignore the other in our midst. We must match this inwardness with engagement. Smile with our eyes, let the crinkles show, share the tenderness of our hearts as best we can. Remember all of us, all of our golden threads of tenderness, are inexplicably entwined and entangled and the only way to move forward is together. Our threads are bound too tight to leave anyone behind. Hold them all, and yourself, with tenderness. This is the way, perhaps the only way, to healing.

Go to my Women of Wisdom page to see more from this series. Please go to my upcoming events page and consider taking virtual creative workshops in the coming months.