Lisa Thorpe

Old Maps No Longer Work

I was gifted this poem by a wise and wonderful friend when she learned of my move with my husband from our home of 25 years in Northern California to Little Rock. I have ruminated on it over the past months since it arrived in a lovely card in early January. The poem has come along with me tucked in a book as a bookmark, then sat staking a claim to a fold in my art journal. Today I finally put poem to page. I will say that each time I read the poem it brings me near to tears. My throat is hot with the salt of them now. The words cut too close. In the poem the “I” in the poem is letting go of old maps they are useless to her in the new place she is in. I too am trying to let go of my old maps and search for signs in the Arkansas lighting storms or suggestion in the magpie insistent song. But in truth I feel adrift. It has been a long time since I felt so out of my element, drifting directionless. I have not found my star chart like the pilgrims in the poem, I have not found my drinking gourd to follow. The poem pains me and comforts me all at once. It names my situation too well, a mirror too magnified. But if you can’t name it you can’t nudge it so I guess that’s what I’ll settle for that right now naming– “I’m lost, I don’t have my maps and I can’t see the stars… yet”. The “I” in the poem finds her way and I suspect I will too, but I am not there and patience is not one of my super powers…. I think I have some soul tending to do.

OLD Maps No Longer Work – by Joyce Rupp

I keep pulling it out –
the old map of my inner path
I squint closely at it,
trying to see some hidden road
that maybe I’ve missed,
but there’s nothing there now
except some well travelled paths.
they have seen my footsteps often,
held my laughter, caught my tears.

I keep going over the old map
but now the roads lead nowhere,
a meaningless wilderness
where life is dull and futile.

“toss away the old map,” she says
“you must be kidding!” I reply.
she looks at me with Sarah eyes
and repeats “toss it away.
It’s of no use where you’re going.”

“I have to have a map!” I cry,
“even if it takes me nowhere.
I can’t be without direction,”
“but you are without direction,”
she says, “so why not let go, be free?”

so there I am – tossing away the old map,
sadly fearfully, putting it behind me.
“whatever will I do?” wails my security
“trust me” says my midlife soul.

no map, no specific directions,
no “this way ahead” or “take a left”.
how will l know where to go?
how will I find my way? no map!
but then my midlife soul whispers
“there was a time before maps
when pilgrims travelled by the stars.”

It is time for the pilgrim in me
to travel in the dark,
to learn to read the stars
that shine in my soul.
I will walk deeper

into the dark of my night.
I will wait for the stars.
trust their guidance.
and let their light be enough for me.

Sister Joyce Rupp, is an author and speaker. She is the co-director of The Institute of Compassionate Presence, a member of the Servite Order, and a volunteer for Hospice.